As hard as it is to admit, I have not been successful in finding love in a mate in my adult years. Until my adult years, I had no issue in finding myself being involved in committed relationships. As an adult in my 30’s all that changed for whatever reason, be it the on again/off again relationships, dating “forever” without a true commitment, failed relationships and the list goes on. I find myself being single more days than ever. Lately, I have started to question about my breast cancer diagnosis keeping me from being in a committed relationship or being worthy? Does sharing my story scare men off? Do men look at my boob status and fray away? Is my zest for life too much for one to deal with it? When I think back, it has been since 2012 that I have been in a committed relationship. I think I am a loving person; I think I can attract love and reciprocate it back. In my mind, I often worry, if I am worthy enough to have a supporting mate, my equal, my guy, my dude, my protector, my spiritual partner, someone to walk through the storms of life, a vacation bae. I ponder, if I will leave this earth being in a committed relationship. I know God did not put us on earth to do life alone. I know more single women like myself than I know those in a committed relationship. Is it that men are not interested in committing anymore? Are women to strong, independent, set in their own ways? I am far from being lonely because I am ok with eating alone, but I do long for companionship, someone to vent to, someone who will let me be me, without judgement and with all the joys of a mate.
Is desiring a mate taboo? I honestly do not have any answers to my own questions or even know, if I know all the dynamics of dating. Should I try a dating site, frequent more clubs, wear a sign that I am single, ask friends to introduce me or do as I have been doing and wait for God to send me my Boaz. While I wait, I will continue to Live.
As I remind myself daily that I am worthy, I ask God to send me someone who is most worthy, deserving love that I must give. Please God, let my worthiness of love speak even when I am silent, let my worth shine in my steps and glow my skin. Please God, allow the words that slip of my tongue sound like music to someone’s ears that shout worthiness. I hope the love and passion that I have for serving others bounces a bright light to guide my King to his worthy Queen.
Written By: Angela Jersi Baker, Founder of Angel in Disguise, Inc and Tigerlily MBC ANGEL Advocate