Have you ever admired something only to find out that it all reality it was broken inside? I can remember admiring my neighbors fancy brand new car, with its physical allure. My admiration was misleading, as I found out later on that it was a “lemon” meaning it came from the factory with malfunctions. This vehicle gave my neighbors trouble after only a few months of purchasing it. Even through all of the troubles they were receiving from their lemon, they still had hope that it would get better in time. Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer, I often feel like a lemon; vibrant and seemingly fine on the outside but like I have gone sour within.
While my son was in elementary school, I was working evenings. I was able to take him to school each morning and occasionally on “special” mornings, we would stop on the way in and grab McDonald’s breakfast. One morning, my son was taking a sip of his Mc D’s orange juice and he looked at me crying that “it didn’t taste good”. First, I felt the orange juice to make sure it was cold. This particular morning, it was very cold. Continuing my investigation, I took a sip of the cold orange juice, to have my breathe taken away by the sour juice that flowed into my mouth. The juice was so old and soured that I gagged, over and over. It looked perfectly refreshing and healthy through the bottle but its insides were just the opposite of how it appeared.
My neighbor brings “the grass is greener on the other side” saying to life, often complimenting me on my bright, healthy, green, grass. I simply smile, knowing how my husband struggles to fertilize and maintain the appearance of the yard while keeping it alive. My husband sees the grass loosing it color as it dies and fades to brown in new areas often and we water and tend to the grass to bring it back to life as another area begins to die. That’s how I feel with my fight for a healthy, vibrant life, while living with MBC. Even with my treatment plan, the cancer continues to spread to other parts of my body. It has spread to the lymph nodes in my neck, chest wall and pelvic area.
There are countless amounts of women who are struggling to keep their vibrancy, health, and liveliness as they battle day to day living with MBC. They may have times where they appear vibrant, healthy and lively but inward their body is fighting a war against itself, ravaging the woman along its path.